Benjamin Franklin, renowned for his wit and wisdom, penned a remarkable letter in 1745 that challenged the social norms of his time. While initially advising a young man that marriage was the “proper Remedy” for his “natural Inclinations,” Franklin proceeded to outline eight compelling reasons why, if seeking a romantic partner, one should consider an older woman. Though controversial for its time, his observations about the advantages of mature relationships contain surprisingly modern insights about compatibility, personal growth, and meaningful connections.
Knowledge and conversation that enriches the mind
Franklin’s first and perhaps most compelling argument centered on intellectual stimulation. He observed that older women possess a wealth of knowledge and life experience, making them engaging conversationalists. Their minds, he noted, are “better-stored with observations,” leading to more meaningful and enriching discussions.
This perspective was particularly progressive for the 18th century, when women’s intellectual capabilities were often dismissed. Franklin recognized that wisdom and experience contribute significantly to relationship satisfaction, a finding supported by modern relationship studies.
The development of lasting friendship and care
In his second point, Franklin highlighted how older women often develop into “the most tender and useful of friends.” He observed that as physical beauty naturally changes with age, women cultivate other valuable qualities, becoming particularly attentive and caring partners, especially during times of illness or hardship.
This observation reflects a deeper understanding of relationship dynamics, acknowledging that long-term compatibility relies more on emotional support and practical partnership than on superficial attributes.
Social discretion and reputation management
Franklin’s fourth point emphasized the social advantages of relationships with older women. He noted their superior discretion and prudence in managing relationships, protecting both parties’ reputations. This practical consideration would have been particularly relevant in the socially restrictive environment of colonial America.
While social norms have evolved significantly since Franklin’s time, his observations about mature judgment and social wisdom remain relevant to modern relationship dynamics.
Equal pleasure in physical intimacy
Perhaps Franklin’s most controversial point addressed physical intimacy. He argued that the pleasure of intimate relations with an older woman equals or surpasses that with younger partners, noting that experience enhances rather than diminishes satisfaction.
Modern research has validated Franklin’s observation, with studies indicating that women often experience increased sexual confidence and satisfaction with age, contributing to more fulfilling intimate relationships.
Mutual appreciation and gratitude
Franklin’s final points addressed the emotional dynamics of age-gap relationships. He observed that older women often show greater appreciation for their partners, leading to more balanced and mutually satisfying relationships. This observation suggests an understanding of how life experience can foster deeper emotional maturity and genuine gratitude.
While some of Franklin’s language reflects the patriarchal attitudes of his era, his core insight about mutual appreciation in relationships transcends historical context.
Though written nearly three centuries ago, Franklin’s letter offers surprisingly relevant insights into relationship dynamics. While his primary advice remained in favor of marriage as “the most natural State of Man,” his observations about the advantages of mature relationships challenge age-based prejudices that persist even today. His letter, initially censored for its frank discussion of intimate matters, now stands as a testament to his progressive thinking about age, relationships, and human connection.
