Death is something we don’t like to talk about, but understanding what happens in those final moments can bring comfort to those facing loss. Hospice workers, nurses, and doctors who care for dying patients have unique insights into this deeply personal experience. Many healthcare workers notice patterns in what people say before they die – from calling out to loved ones who’ve already passed to expressing love for those still here. These final words can sometimes offer peace to families wondering what their loved ones experience at life’s end.
Calling out for parents who have already passed
When Sarah’s grandmother was in her final days, the family was surprised when she began calling out “Mom” repeatedly, even though her mother had been gone for decades. This experience is incredibly common. According to Julie McFadden, a hospice nurse with 14 years of experience, one of the most frequent things dying patients do is call out to parents who have already died. This happens so often that many hospice centers include information about this phenomenon in their educational materials for families, helping them understand that this is a normal part of the dying process.
Experts can’t fully explain why this happens, but many believe it’s related to comfort and security. Our parents represent safety for many of us, and in our most vulnerable moments, we may instinctively call for them. Hospice workers note that patients often appear comforted when they describe seeing their deceased parents in the room. Some patients report that these visions aren’t frightening but rather reassuring, with their departed loved ones offering messages like “We’re coming to get you soon” or “Don’t worry, we’ll help you.” For many families, knowing their loved one feels accompanied rather than alone brings tremendous comfort.
Expressing love for family members present
Mark sat by his father’s bedside for three days as he drifted in and out of consciousness. Just hours before he passed, his father suddenly became clear-eyed, squeezed Mark’s hand, and said, “I love you, son.” According to healthcare professionals, “I love you” ranks among the most common final phrases spoken by dying patients. These simple yet profound words often become treasured memories for family members present at the bedside. Julie McFadden, who shares her experiences on social media, notes that these expressions of love are frequently a dying person’s last words, suggesting our connections with others remain paramount even at life’s end.
What’s particularly meaningful is how even patients who weren’t especially demonstrative throughout their lives often find the words to express love in their final moments. Nurses report that these expressions frequently come during brief periods of unexpected clarity that can occur near death. For families who hear these words, they often become a source of comfort during grief. Many hospice workers advise families to speak freely about their love to dying relatives, as hearing is typically the last sense to fade. Even when patients seem unresponsive, they may still register and find comfort in these expressions of love and care from those around them.
Talking about going on a trip or journey
Tom’s family was confused when, in his final days, he kept asking where his suitcase was and insisting he needed to pack for an upcoming trip. His daughter initially thought he was confused until a nurse gently explained that this type of talk is common near death. Healthcare professionals frequently observe dying patients using travel metaphors to describe their experience. Patients might speak about packing bags, waiting for transportation, or needing to catch a train or board a ship. This phenomenon is so widespread that it has a name among healthcare professionals: “Nearing Death Awareness,” and it often provides insight into the patient’s emotional state.
One touching example comes from a hospice patient named Jack, who was found sleeping with a flashlight. His wife realized this made perfect sense – Jack had always been a planner and traveler who took a flashlight on every trip for comfort and security. Understanding this symbolic language allowed his wife to support him by placing the flashlight under his pillow, acknowledging his need for familiar comfort during his final journey. Medical professionals suggest that rather than correcting these statements, families might find more meaning in acknowledging them and asking gentle questions about the journey their loved one feels they’re preparing for. This approach often brings comfort to both patient and family.
Describing seeing deceased loved ones
Eighty-two-year-old Eleanor startled her granddaughter when she smiled and began speaking to her husband Robert, who had died three years earlier. “He’s right there in the corner,” Eleanor insisted, appearing genuinely happy rather than confused. Healthcare workers report that this experience – patients seeing and speaking to deceased loved ones – happens with remarkable frequency. These visions aren’t limited to family members but sometimes include friends or even beloved pets who have passed away. What’s striking is that patients typically don’t find these visions frightening or distressing – quite the opposite. They often report feeling reassured and comforted by these presences.
Medical professionals note that these experiences differ from hallucinations caused by medication or delirium. Patients describing these visions usually appear calm and coherent when discussing them. Some healthcare workers suggest these visions might represent the brain’s way of easing the transition from life to death, while others point to them as possible evidence of spiritual experiences. Whatever the explanation, hospice workers emphasize that families shouldn’t dismiss these accounts or treat them as signs of confusion. Instead, they can ask questions about who the patient sees and what messages they’re receiving, which often leads to meaningful final conversations and brings comfort to both the dying person and their loved ones.
Expressing a sense of impending death
When James told his nurse, “I think I’m going to die today,” she took him seriously, even though his vital signs seemed stable. Hours later, he experienced a sudden cardiac event. Medical professionals often report that patients can have an uncanny awareness of their approaching death. Comments like “This is it” or “I’m not going to make it” should never be dismissed, as patients frequently sense subtle changes in their bodies that instruments don’t yet detect. This awareness isn’t limited to patients with terminal illnesses – emergency workers report that accident victims sometimes express a certainty about dying even when their injuries don’t initially appear life-threatening.
Healthcare workers explain that this phenomenon might result from the body’s internal monitoring systems detecting subtle changes before they’re measurable by medical equipment. When patients express these feelings, doctors and nurses now know to increase monitoring and prepare families for possible changes in condition. For families, hearing a loved one express awareness of impending death can be frightening, but many later find comfort in knowing their loved one had some preparation for what was coming. Medical professionals suggest that when someone expresses a sense they might die soon, the best response isn’t dismissal but rather asking if there’s anything they’d like to say or do, creating space for meaningful final conversations.
Asking for forgiveness or offering it
After barely speaking for days, Lisa’s father suddenly became alert and asked to speak with her mother alone. When her mother emerged from the room thirty minutes later, she was crying but seemed at peace. “He asked for forgiveness for things that happened forty years ago,” she explained. Healthcare workers report that expressions of forgiveness – both asking for it and offering it – are among the most powerful things patients say before death. So common are these exchanges that oncologist Siddhartha Mukherjee identifies four phrases that frequently appear at life’s end: “I want to tell you that I love you,” “I want to tell you that I forgive you,” “Would you tell me that you love me?” and “Would you give me your forgiveness?”
These conversations often happen suddenly, during periods of unexpected clarity that can occur near death. Nurses and doctors witness how these exchanges can transform the emotional atmosphere in a patient’s room, bringing peace to both the dying person and their loved ones. Many healthcare workers see this as evidence that our relationships remain centrally important even as life ends. For families, these moments of reconciliation can become treasured memories that help with the grieving process. Healthcare professionals suggest that creating private space for these conversations when requested and understanding their deep significance can be one of the most meaningful ways to support both patients and families during end-of-life care.
Making unexpected or humorous requests
The family gathered solemnly around Grandpa Joe’s bed was shocked when he suddenly opened his eyes and declared, “I need chocolate ice cream. Right now.” A nurse rushed to fulfill his request, and Joe enjoyed his favorite treat before peacefully passing away hours later. Healthcare workers often share stories of dying patients making unexpected, specific, and sometimes humorous requests in their final hours or days. These requests range from favorite foods to wanting certain music played or asking to see specific places or people one last time. Far from being random or meaningless, these requests often connect to important memories or simple pleasures that brought joy throughout life.
Medical professionals suggest that these requests can serve multiple purposes. Sometimes they represent a final assertion of choice and control when so much has been taken away by illness. Other times, they reflect the person’s authentic self shining through, even as their body fails. Hospice workers encourage families to honor these requests whenever possible, even if they seem trivial or unusual. What might seem like a small thing – a certain song played or food enjoyed – can bring disproportionate comfort to someone nearing death. Families who fulfill these final wishes often later describe feeling grateful for this concrete way to provide comfort and show love during a time when they otherwise might feel helpless in the face of approaching death.
Using repetitive phrases or words
For three days before she died, Rachel’s grandmother repeated the phrase “the green house on the hill” over and over. The family was puzzled until an aunt remembered this described their family’s first home, where many happy memories were made. Researchers studying end-of-life communication have noticed that repetition of words or phrases is remarkably common as death approaches. These repetitions might initially seem like confusion or meaningless babble, but healthcare workers have found they often carry significant meaning when properly understood. The repeated phrases frequently connect to important memories, unresolved concerns, or even metaphors for the dying process itself.
Linguistic studies suggest this repetition may result from changes in brain function near death, but the content still often reflects meaningful thoughts or concerns. A hospice chaplain recounted how a patient repeatedly mentioned “the boat” in his final days. His family eventually realized he was describing his feeling of transition between life and death as similar to being on a boat between shores. Understanding these repetitive statements requires careful listening and sometimes detective work from families and caregivers. Healthcare professionals advise families not to dismiss repetitive speech as merely symptomatic of decline, but rather to listen for patterns and possible connections to the person’s life history. This attentive listening can sometimes lead to meaningful final conversations and bring comfort to both the patient and family.
Understanding what people commonly say before death helps us prepare for these difficult moments with those we love. While death remains a personal journey, knowing these patterns can bring comfort and meaning to final conversations. Healthcare workers witness these powerful moments daily, reminding us that even in death, our connections to others and our most authentic selves often shine through. Rather than waiting for life’s final moments to express love or seek forgiveness, perhaps the greatest lesson is to have these important conversations while we’re healthy, giving ourselves and our loved ones the gift of meaningful connection throughout life.
